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Being a mother is absolutely amazing, and absolutely anxiety-provoking. It is full of late night googling “why is my kid (current situation)” and then sifting through social media mom accounts in hopes of finding an answer. The issue being, you’ll find 37 suggestions and all of them are different. Which expert or self-proclaimed baby whisperer do you listen to first? It’s no wonder why millennial moms are stressed out and overwhelmed!
Millennial moms grew up with the idea of technology being life-changing and innovative and we got to experience the internet with fresh eyes and wonder. And look at us now! Raising a new generation while worrying about how we’re doing at raising a new generation. We’ve learned that we can google something or ask Siri and get an immediate answer. Now, I’m not here to shit on that because it’s been fantastic and helpful in so many ways. I am here to say it’s affecting the moods and self-esteem of moms.
So, Why Are Millennial Moms Extra Anxious?
Our parents got to go ask their mom when the baby was transitioning to solid foods or was spitting up and the answer was given to them, matter of factly because that’s what their moms told them and so on. Was some of that advice, in retrospect, terrible advice? Yup. And, let’s acknowledge that our parents didn’t have the luxury and added stress of constant information and ideas flashing at them from a fancy little mini computer. My point being, I love the internet, I love memes, I love social media. And at the same time, I can see how those things have affected my anxiety as a mom.
Have you found yourself scrolling Instagram and seeing a mom, her spouse and her 2 kids wearing matching outfits, makeup done, no scuffs on the shoes, and they’re at Disneyworld looking serene and so filled with joy? Or what about that account you follow that posts muted color-schemed playrooms that look like they’ve never been touched and all the toys are light-free, noise-free and the kid is about to invent the next miracle cure for cancer while stacking a beige rainbow? Well, some families’ homes and lives are like that and they don’t show you the effort behind it. That’s not my reality, and it isn’t the only reality that exists. It can be so harmful to moms’ mental health and ability to feel confident in themselves as parents and people to be surrounded by only one version of what a mom is.
In addition to comparisons to other moms, which only increases anxiety and overwhelm, moms are dealing with trying to align their parenting with their values. As millennials, we’ve seen the harm that has been caused to people we love by parents who likely meant well but ultimately taught their kids to “suck it up” and “clear your plate” and that “adults are always right”. I know, not because I’m a therapist, but as a human being living in 2022 that those are the types of “lessons” that hurt kids. I am honored to be grouped with other millennial moms who have had enough with the mentality of ‘us versus them’. As a generation, we are not putting up with the lies we were raised on, the trash of what a woman has to look like, the settling for mediocre jobs who have no boundaries. It’s important to us to teach our kids consent-based language, teach them about body autonomy and how to have a healthy (not fear-based) relationship with food. Well, here’s the thing about wanting to be better than our parents were: it’s a lot of pressure and a lot of work.
Where to Start
I have some tips for millennial moms out there trying to manage their anxiety and stress:
Start setting some boundaries on social media. Now. I’m going to urge you to set some limits for yourself around social media and listening to other people’s opinions/scouring the internet. Maybe give yourself a chunk of time each day where you scroll insta or tik tok but it has a set time limit. Or, unfollow those accounts that are particularly upsetting. The ones where you look at the post, look at it again, and you notice your stomach hurts or you’re sweating a bit. And you start thinking about all the things you need to do like finger-painted ornaments and keychains using your kid’s old teeth or some shit.
Learn to Say No. This one is cheating a little because it’s also boundary related, but I promise it’s legit. Stop agreeing to things out of guilt or because your friend is doing it or because you’ve heard this is the “it” thing for moms right now. Saying no is not only a skill for you to reduce anxiety and stress through less obligations and getting walked on, it’s also a skill you probably want your children to learn. So, start modeling for them now that it’s ok to honor what feels right to them and not what other people want them to do. Read more about saying no here.
Take a Break. Big or Small, Take a Break. Ok, so easier said than done, I know. But this isn’t an influencer’s page so honestly, you need a break and it may not look like a trip to Fiji for 2 weeks. Not all breaks are the same and they don’t give us the same re-energizing. That doesn’t mean that because you can’t afford (based on money, time or emotional state) a longer trip or vacation that you don’t need a break. Take a 20 minute walk. Call a friend uninterrupted for 10 minutes. Take a long, relaxing shower, not one of those just-have-to-wash-my-hair showers. There are lots of ways to take a break and get away that you can (on most days) incorporate into your routine with intention. These little acts make a difference.
Millennial moms have more challenges, for sure. We also have one of the biggest opportunities- to teach our kids that all emotions are valid and it’s what we do with them that matters. Show yourself and your family that mom stress is normal and it’s also manageable. If you’re in Ohio or New York and are interested in learning more about stress management for moms, contact me.
