As therapists, we often guide clients through the stressors and emotional complexities of the holiday season. But as much as we support others, we’re not immune to these challenges in our own lives. The very themes my clients bring to session – strained family relationships, holiday financial stress, and overly packed schedules – often mirror my own struggles. This time of year, I am reminded more than ever that I am human, too, and grappling with the same pressures and vulnerabilities that I work to help my clients manage.
Experiencing this mix of personal and professional holiday stress is an experience unique to therapists, and it highlights the importance of finding spaces where we can reflect, connect, and recharge. Private practice can be very isolating, and even though I am massively introverted, I know that connecting with other clinicians is a vital part of my self-care repertoire. The season’s hustle and bustle leaves little time to decompress and prioritize self-care, making doing so all the more important.
Because of this, I recently participated in the MHM community conversation on “Clients, Families, and Holidays.” This gathering provided me with exactly what I needed after a rough election season and right before Thanksgiving. The event was a valuable space to pause and explore these challenges with colleagues who truly understand the complexities of this work.
During the event, I joined a small group discussion centered on boundaries. I was drawn to this topic because despite being a therapist for nearly 20 years, it’s something I continue to struggle with. I’m currently navigating some significant boundaries with a family member as the current political climate has helped me see more clearly some unhealthy, long-standing patterns in our relationship. These boundaries feel necessary for my well-being, but they also leave me uncertain about the future. What lies on the other side of them, and will I want to shift them as time passes?
Professionally, I am always working on my struggle with boundaries. Still, they become more difficult during the holidays, especially if I know a client is struggling. Every year, I receive texts from clients on Christmas Day wishing me a Merry Christmas. While I’m touched by the sentiment and grateful for the connections I’ve built, the notification from my Spruce app lighting up my screen on a holiday brings up a mix of emotions. I don’t want to think about work during this time when my kids are all actually getting along, but the anxiety-driven self-talk creeps in: What if a client is in crisis and needs me? Rationally, I know it’s unlikely, but the slight chance that a client is facing a safety issue leads me to open the app, breaking the very boundary I know I need.
The group discussion on boundaries was the perfect opportunity to reflect on these struggles and speak with other therapists I could learn from. The conversation was both supportive and insightful. Some key takeaways from the discussion included:
The Need for Alone Time
Many therapists, myself included, rely on alone time as an essential way to recharge. But with the busy holiday season in full swing, alone time becomes harder to get when we need it most. It can feel increasingly difficult to show up authentically for clients and loved ones without this space – validating the importance of prioritizing small moments of rest and self-care, even during a busy season.
Boundaries in Theory vs. Reality
While we often teach clients an idealized version of boundary-setting—clear, confident, and consistent—the reality is often much messier. In practice, setting boundaries can feel awkward, uncomfortable, or even guilt-inducing, especially in emotionally charged moments. The discussion highlighted how normal it is for therapists to be able to offer clients perfectly phrased scripts to set boundaries off the cuff, but then many of us become tongue-tied when it comes to setting them in our personal lives.
The Role of Culture in Boundary-Setting
Culture significantly shapes how boundaries are understood and enacted, both in families and in therapy. While my Caucasian family of origin, rooted in individualism, brings challenges, our group discussion helped me reflect on what boundary-setting might mean for clients from collectivistic cultures, where familial interconnectedness is often prioritized over individual needs. I could see more clearly how discussions on setting boundaries with me might feel for them. This discussion underscored the importance of cultural humility in therapy, acknowledging my privileges and biases, and approaching conversations about boundaries with sensitivity to each client’s unique cultural context.
Therapists and Imposter Syndrome
Teaching clients about boundaries while personally struggling with them can stir feelings of imposter syndrome in many of us. In my own life, I encourage clients to practice self-care, let go of perfectionistic holiday expectations, and advocate for themselves—whether by speaking their truth or gently setting the tone for family gatherings. Yet, when the session ends, I find myself stressed over last-minute gifts to avoid social missteps and questioning whether my family boundaries are rooted in self-care or avoidance. Even the simple act of receiving texts from clients on Christmas brings up internal conflict. Hearing similar experiences from other therapists reminded me I’m not alone and how challenging boundaries can be for many of us.
At the end of the discussion, one of the therapists returned to my quandary of Christmas text messages from clients. She encouraged me to let my clients know at our last session before the holidays that I won’t be checking messages on the days I want to reserve for myself and to provide crisis resources ahead of time, just in case. What once felt like an unsolvable dilemma suddenly had an easy, practical solution. This simple yet powerful strategy reinforced the importance of protecting personal time while ensuring client safety and highlighted the importance of seeking support from peers.
As Meghin Lisi, LMFT, the facilitator for the event, reminded us, even though we may feel separated in our individual practices, “we face these challenges together as a community.” This sentiment captures the heart of what makes connection among therapists so valuable. We support clients from the quiet of our spaces, but we have so much in common – professional isolation, using ourselves as a tool, and even the struggles that come up for us during the holidays. By recognizing this collective experience, we can dissolve the loneliness accompanying our work and personal struggles.
This sense of community reminds us that we are stronger together. As we navigate the holidays and the challenges they bring, we can find hope in knowing that we are not alone. The mutual support we can lend to one another is there if we choose to use it. In coming together, we model the very connection and compassion we strive to cultivate for our clients and ourselves.
