2 Sneaky Compulsions Youre Probably Doing

If you have OCD, anxiety, fear, or panic, chances are, you’re ruminating. For a mental compulsion and safety behavior that quite literally affects everyone with these conditions, it’s surprising to me that some people are still unaware of what rumination is. Rumination, to some professionals, more generally describes any kind of mental engagement with a thought. This can be a pretty broad application considering all the different ways in which a person with OCD/anxiety can engage with a thought.  We can be pretty creative and stubborn like that!

If you like to think of it more generally, that’s great – you do you. But if you have a hard time applying that broad definition, or if you’re curious about the more specific ways one might be engaging in mental compulsions such as rumination, read on.

There are a ton of more specific ways that a person may engage in ruminating, or mentally working through their thoughts in the effort to achieve certainty. The two non-observable behaviors that I run into the most, both personally and professionally, are what I like to call mental reviewing and mental planning or preparing. They’re really similar, they serve almost identical functions, but they can be super sneaky and subtle. 

Mental reviewing – This is one of the most common ones I see people engaging with when it comes to OCD and anxiety. Mental reviewing refers to when we effortfully go back in our memories in search for something, whether that’s a piece of content, a feeling, or something else in the past to make us feel more sure of something now. This happens a lot with the conventional subtypes of real event OCD, relationship OCD, false memory OCD, and so many others. Examples of mental review in these situations may include (but are most definitely not limited to) reviewing how someone felt with their significant other to determine if they were truly 100% in love, trying to replay a driving route to determine whether they actually hit someone, and quite literally anything else that someone feels they need to replay or remember in order to achieve certainty.

People with social anxiety may also struggle with this by continually replaying old conversations to determine whether they embarrassed themselves, what they said, whether they were being judged, and more. The truth is that we all do this to some degree. Mental reviewing, just like any other safety behavior or compulsion you hear about here, is not just normal to some degree in the non-clinical population but can also be helpful when used functionally and in a controlled fashion. For instance, it may be beneficial, in select scenarios, to, every once in a while, go back through an old conversation to learn for the future how to better handle similar events. Note here that I said *select scenarios* and *every once in a while*.  For instance, when you start interviewing for jobs, generally, it’s a good idea to review your conduct and discussions during these conversations so you can learn how to improve for the next interview!  You may have realized that you talked too quickly, and therefore, want to make the concerted effort in the future to take more breaths and to take more slowly.  The problem is when these behaviors are done urgently, with desperation, and in such a way that you feel you can no longer control it. That’s when mental review can become obsessive and compulsive. 

Mental planning or preparing – Whereas mental reviewing is in regards to something that may (or may have not) happened in the past, mental preparing is a similar mental compulsion that has to do with the future. You might have also heard it being referred to as reverse rumination or future forecasting. As we see with mental reviewing, it may very well be beneficial to, every once in a while, engage in some form of mental preparing. Before going into a job interview, it’s generally a good idea to plan for some questions that they *may* ask so that you aren’t completely caught off guard. The difference, again, is to ensure that these behaviors are being done in a way that is controlled and “every so often”, rather than in a way that is repetitive, consistent, urgent, and desperate. When we do these behaviors in a desperate way and to urgently get rid of anxiety or discomfort, they become compulsive. When this happens, we’re no longer in control of our behaviors and we’re letting OCD and anxiety run the show. Someone with OCD or anxiety may give into compulsive mental preparing by feeling like they have to prepare for every conversation, even though they may logically know that this is not necessary; still, they may feel like they have to do it, fearing they couldn’t tolerate the anxiety or consequence if they pursue these answers.

With that said, it’s important to be aware of and vigilant for these sneaky, subtle behaviors. Mental compulsions are tricky in that they’re not observable, so it’s not as obvious when you’re engaging in them.  It takes discipline, willingness, and mindfulness (simply paying attention in the moment).  You may be engaging in either mental reviewing or mental planning/preparing without even recognizing it. That’s okay! The first step in the process is learning, and you’re already there by reading this blog, so great work. The next step is to work on being aware and as vigilant as you can be about when you’re starting to go down those rabbit holes.  At that point, you have a choice.  It’s a difficult choice, but it’s a choice you can make, and it’s a choice you will likely have to make again and again until your brain catches your new drift.

Remember, any time you are trying to figure something out, you’re not sitting with uncertainty, which is exactly what you’ll need to do in order to overcome OCD and anxiety. Figuring something out and sitting with uncertainty are discrepant concepts – you cannot do both at the same time.  Resisting these rituals will likely feel irresponsible, it could feel wrong, it might feel like you’re doing something completely new and scary, and that’s all a normal part of the process. Keep at it!  

I’ll have more in upcoming blogs about next steps you can take in order to start feeling like you have more agency and control over these non-observable rituals. Just know that it’s a process, it’s okay to feel like you can’t just “stop” it, and that there are plenty of things you can do and learn in order to start feeling like yourself again.  Stay tuned. 

You’ve got this. 

Jenna