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Is perfection driving your anxiety symptoms? Quite possibly. I have yet to meet a perfectionist who does not struggle with anxiety. Most of us know perfection is unattainable, so why do we so often demand it of ourselves? And how do we move away from perfection and start leaning into self-acceptance? Living into our values is a major step in embracing self-acceptance, and leads into us saying goodbye to perfectionism and the anxiety that comes with it.
Anxiety often drives perfectionistic behavior due to worry of underlying core fears coming true. These fears often include the belief of needing to be perfect to be loved, needing to be perfect to avoid embarrassment, needing to be perfect to please others (or yourself), and even needing to be perfect in order to have value as a human being. These beliefs influence our ways of being in the world, leading us to anxiously pursue perfection. In doing so, the demands of perfection slowly strip the joy from life as it abuses our self-esteem. Anxiety thrives in this environment. Because of this, when we loosen the grip of perfection, anxiety symptoms start fading.
If you took a look into the brain of someone striving for perfection, it would probably sound something like:
- I need to arrive 15 minutes early or I’ll be late
- I didn’t finish my to-do list, so I’m an awful mom
- If I don’t get all As, I wont get that dream job and I’m a bad student
- I’m not doing self-care in the “right” way
- I didn’t spend enough time with my spouse this weekend, so now they might not love me as much
- My body has changed so I’m no longer worthy of love
- I should constantly check in with my friends, otherwise I’m a bad person
I could go on and on, but the point is: see how demanding perfectionism is? And how easily it tells us the worst case scenario? It’s very similar to anxiety in that way. Usually people with perfectionism tendencies have to-do lists a mile long, are striving to balance their lives and relationships with great effort, and generally care an immense amount about the world. And yet, it’s rare they give themselves any credit for the work they are putting in. This only increases their anxiety, and the identified solution is to be more perfect. It’s a relentless cycle.
But what if there was space to simply be human? And life wasn’t measured by how well you completed it but rather by how fulfilled you were within it? When I work with anxiety-driven perfectionism, I find Acceptance-Commitment Therapy to be effective in creating space for clients to get back to living full lives without self-judgment. Enriching your life by living into your values, whether or not you do so perfectly, fosters immense self-acceptance. You start realizing you have a choice in how you live, where you give your energy, and where you choose to set boundaries. This leads to self-acceptance, and when we are radically accepting ourselves for who we are, perfection struggles to maintain its hold.
If you’re tired of striving to maintain impossible standards, exhausted from beating yourself up when you can’t meet them, and are ready to fully accept who you are, I’d encourage you to reach out today on https://www.hoperekindledcounseling.com/. There’s no better time to start fully living.
