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How to Support a New (or New Again) Mom
If I had to sum up the first weeks of life with a new baby in two words? Completely exhausting. You are sleep-deprived and disoriented and it takes all your effort and energy to make sure baby is sleeping and eating.
Oh, and you also need to sleep and eat.
After becoming a parent myself, I realized how much I had dropped the ball on supporting people I cared about when they had a baby. I didn’t realize how difficult it could be just to find time to brush your teeth, let alone take a shower or cook a meal.
You don’t know until you know, I guess. Or maybe you do know it’s a challenging time, but you aren’t sure how to help.
I put together this list to help you go from not knowing or not being sure how to help to having some simple and actionable ways to support a new mama.
Bring Food
It’s a classic for a reason! A home-cooked meal that she doesn’t have to make is gold for a new mama. Bonus points if it’s an old favorite to bring her comfort or something extra nutritious to help her heal. Not a cook? A gift card or Venmo for take-out works, too. You can even order something on Postmates or another delivery app for her to take the whole ordering process off her plate.
Ask How She’s Feeling and Listen to Her
Just spending time with her and being genuinely interested in supporting her if she wants to talk. You know, good friend stuff. If you aren’t feeling sure what to say, try these simple phrases:
“I’m here for you.”
“Your feelings are valid.”
“How can I support you?”
“I’m here to listen.”
Just listen without judgement or even advice-giving, unless she asks for it. She’s probably getting advice from everywhere – if she wants your take, she’ll ask for it.
Offer to Help Around the House
Sometimes mama wants/needs to just hold baby or rest. But there are still things to be done and a whole family to care for.
“Can I run some laundry for you?”
“I’m going to target/grocery store – what can I pick up for you?”
“I’m going to take my kids to the park for an hour, can your older kid(s) join us?”
Sometimes mamas want a break from baby holding, too. She might love to have you hold baby so she can shower or tidy up or run to the store herself. Ask her what the best way to support her is, and give a few options.
Encourage Her
She’s sore, she’s anxious, she’s discouraged, she’s TIRED. She might not be sure if she’s doing it all “right”. Let her know you’re thinking about her. Maybe send her some notes of encouragement, a text, or a funny meme.
And remember that she needs your support beyond just those first few weeks when everyone is checking in and dropping off food and holding baby. Check-in and support her as baby continues to grow and she faces new challenges. She’s lucky to have you in her corner.
