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“A healthy relationship will never make you
Dinkar Kalotra
give up your friends, your dreams, or your dignity.”
Have you ever questioned your love for someone? Do you feel as though your relationship isn’t growing or evolving? There are telltale signs of an unhealthy relationship versus a healthy love. Let’s take a look at both.
Unhealthy: If you’re in love with someone that requires you to alter your personality, your goals, or wants you all to themselves, this is not healthy. If you are staying in a relationship purely because you’re afraid of being alone, this is not real love. When either of the partners in a relationship is always controlling, or untruthful, this too is unhealthy.
HEALTHY: Falling in love & staying in love both require giving a part of yourself away, but healthy love isn’t demanding or uncompromising. Healthy love allows you to be your best self, to socialize with colleagues, friends, & family. Healthy love isn’t controlling or dependent. Healthy love is ever-changing & growing in subtle ways. Real love encourages & is kind & thoughtful of the other; it is honest & supporting.
Unhealthy: If you’re obsessed with the person you love & have no interest in spending time with anyone else, that is not healthy. Most of us want to spend a good portion of our time with the person we love, yet there needs to be a balance. Each of you needs to cultivate friendships that are healthy, genuine, & interesting. Obsessive love is all-consuming & is based on negative emotions such as fear, jealousy, & anxiety.
HEALTHY: In a healthy relationship, communication & honesty are vital players. There is lots of trust & little room for jealousy. Jealousy is a tricky emotion because it can fool people into thinking, “he must love me because he is jealous.” Unless your partner has given you a reason to feel jealous, for example, he or she is a chronic liar or has been caught cheating. Often jealousy is a sign of insecurity or lack of knowing & accepting yourself. Healthy love includes loving yourself, as well.
Unhealthy: It’s not normal or healthy to feel you have to be agreeable all of the time, or else.
HEALTHY: In healthy relationships, you’re able to disagree without fear of the person leaving or retaliating. Loving another person is about the give & take – lopsided love is unbalanced.
When two healthy people are in love, their relationship doesn’t wholly define them. You want to be developing yourself, both on the inside & on the outside. If all of your self-worth is wrapped up in your relationship, this is not healthy.
Partners each bring something to share at the table. If you’ve neglected yourself, it’s time to rediscover who you are as an individual. Develop your own likes & passions, give yourself credit, take risks, and make changes that are important to you.
Be honest with yourself when it comes to your love relationship. Is it healthy, or does it need modifying? Is there mutual respect? Remember, no relationship is perfect. It’s often about loving through imperfections & knowing the difference between healthy & unhealthy love.
