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Why? Because a relationship, just like a body, needs regular and realistic challenges to stay fit and stronger. When you least expect it, your relationship will be tested; big test, little test, it doesn’t matter. Be ready.
Besides that, a deep and thriving relationship with another person can be rewarding for your emotional and relationship benefit. In addition, research shows that physically healthy people stay that way longer if they are in a strong intimate relationship.
TALK
- Acts of Generosity – Be mindful of and discuss with your partner the things they routinely do that show you kindness and love. Make a list so when the time to discuss these acts of goodness done by your partner comes, you can enumerate them. They don’t have to be big things. Little gestures can be as important to you as the grand gestures.
- Be Read To – Each of you pick something to read to the other one. This could be a poem a story a news article an op Ed essay. While your partner is reading listen to their voice. It is unique and carries subliminal messages that have a big impact on you.
After the reading is completed, ask your partner to say why they picked that particular piece. What special meaning does it have for them? This is an exercise in revealing ourselves to each other. In general, discussing how we made any choice is a doorway to knowing each other more intimately.
- More Self-Disclosure – When doing things together that don’t take a lot of effort or focus such as on a drive, eating a meal or going for a walk, share your answers with each other to questions designed to help you dig deeper in self-disclosure. One such question is, “What Is Your Perfect Day? You can find more of these here on this list of starter topics designed to give couples exercise in growing better acquainted and fonder.
There are many lists of questions couples can use to get to know each other better. The point is to get started.
- Endearing Qualities – Share with your dear one the five or six traits or things about them that attracted you when you first met and began dating. Be specific and explain to your partner what about each characteristic attracts you to them and keeps you coming back for more.
- Alert: For any talking exercise to work, focused and careful listening is a must.
TOUCH
- I Wanna Hold Your Hand – Hold hands with your partner as often as you can, beginning today. An added workout benefit is to discuss what it feels like to touch your partner, to feel your hand-squeezed, and to squeeze back. While it’s happening, talk about what handholding does for you. If you need to discuss something stressful in your life, hold your partner’s hand while doing so.
- Heart to Heart – This one takes just a few minutes with your partner in a quiet space. You’ll need a one-minute timer As you stand facing each other, each of you place your right hand on the other’s chest just over the heart. With your left hand, cover your partner’s hand as it rests on your own chest. One of you let’s go for just a moment to start the timer. Now spend the next minute looking into each other’s eyes as your hands rest on each other’s hearts and hands. You may feel somewhat uneasy to begin with, inclined to giggle or talk. Stay with the process focusing on your partner’s breathing. It’s OK to be present and quiet together for just a minute. When the one minute is up, sit for a few minutes and reflect on what that was like for you to experience this nonverbal form of connection. Then, verbally describe your experience with your partner.
TIME
Humans use talk and touch to connect. These forms of interaction blend hearts, minds, and lives and deepen intimacy. Your relationship is an organic entity and therefore needs ongoing attention and nurturance.
Dating can start things in motion for a couple. To keep all that “wonderful” going, a couple must commit to maintaining their relationship strong with the same zeal and determination they had when dating.
Strengthening your relationship requires regular and repeated exercise of touch and talk. Those two require time. Commit yourselves to a schedule that affords your significant relationship systematic doses of these three critical ingredients for a healthy coupling: Touch, Talk, Time.
Need some help making the three “T’s” work for you? I’m just a click away.
