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If someone was recording the things we tell ourselves every day, what would your book say? I’m going to bet it isn’t very encouraging. Now reading that book, would you take those things you’ve told yourself and tell them to your loved ones, to a small child? Again, I’m going to bet you wouldn’t. We are so often our own worst enemies. We tell ourselves horrible, belittling, demeaning things that only serve to bring us down even more than we are already feeling. But if we wouldn’t tell our loved ones, or a small child these things, why do we tell ourselves them? Does it help? No. Does it increase our ability to do better? No. In fact it makes everything worse. Those things we tell ourselves slowly turn into negative core beliefs about ourselves. We start believing that we are useless, helpless, not good enough, inadequate, unworthy, undeserving, and more. Then without even realizing it, those beliefs play out in our daily life in the things we do and in the ways we interact with others. If you have kids, it transfers into thoughts they begin having about themselves because they see you doing and thinking that way.
Looking at it another way, how do we respond to others in our lives, including strangers we see everyday? We often empathize and offer grace to others, whether its a waitress, a store cashier, a friend, a loved one, or a complete stranger. We give others so much grace, but turn around and berate ourselves for the same things. Yet, we are the ones who have to live with ourselves. Wouldn’t it be better to change the way we talk to ourselves, to become our own best friend, rather than our own worst enemy?
Practice taking a step back from the situation. Imagine we are reading about our situation in a book. What would we tell the main character? How would we respond to their situation? I bet in the beginning it will be very different from how we typically respond to ourselves, but little by little, we will see that change. It might not be an easy journey, and its not a straight road to travel. There are many turns and roundabouts, hills, and valleys, but as long as we keep moving forward and keep trying, that is where our progress will show.
