Thinking therapy might be helpful for you? Maybe you already are in therapy but feel like your needs have changed? Here are 7 questions and answers about how to find the therapist that works best for you.
1. Where can I look for a therapist?
Mental Health Match offers a free survey to match you with the best therapist for you. We can help you find therapists who fit in your budget, have the right credentials and expertise, match your demographic and cultural needs, take your health insurance, and are conveniently located.
You can also ask your primary care provider for recommendations, review Yelp and Google listings, or reach out to your local affiliate of the American Psychological Association, American Counseling Association, American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, or National Association of Social Workers.
2. What should I look for in a therapist?
There are five criteria you should consider when looking for a counselor or therapist: competence, cultural fit, personality, convenience, and affordability:
- Competence. You want a therapist who has experience treating specific mental health problems you are experiencing. If you’re having marriage troubles, you’ll want to find a therapist who is skilled in supporting people through relationship difficulties, which may be an individual therapist or a marriage counselor. If you have PTSD, you’ll want to find someone who specializes in treating trauma through evidence-based treatments, such as EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) or CPT (cognitive processing therapy).
- Cultural fit. When you’re in therapy, it can be helpful to talk to someone who has had similar life experiences or a similar background. Cultural fit can be based on various types of demographics including: gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnic background, and religion – as well as people who might have similar experiences as you (such as being a veteran or a parent).
- Personality. You may feel safest opening up to a therapist who is nurturing and validating. Or you may want a therapist who is more direct and will challenge you. Finding a therapist whose personality clicks with yours is an important part of building a strong therapeutic relationship.
- Convenience. You may prefer a therapist who offers in-person sessions close to your home or workplace, or you might find that online therapy better fits your schedule and lifestyle. Finding a therapist whose availability, location, and format align with your needs can make it easier to stay consistent and engaged in the therapeutic process.
- Affordability. Therapy can be a significant financial commitment, so finding a therapist whose fees fit within your budget is important. You may look for someone who accepts your insurance, offers sliding scale rates, or accepts payment through HSA/FSA accounts.
3. What makes the best fit with a therapist?
The best fit with a therapist depends on several factors, including their therapeutic approach, personality, and how comfortable you feel opening up to them. Ultimately, you are the only person who can decide if a therapist is a good match for you.
In addition to approach, personality, and emotional safety, here are some other criteria to consider to determine if a mental health provider is a good fit:
- Competence. Does the mental health therapist have experience with your specific need or mental health problem? For example, if you’re dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), you’ll want a therapist who is trauma-informed and will be sensitive and attuned to your unique triggers, emotional responses, and the need for a safe and supportive environment as you work through past experiences.
- Empowerment. Therapy works best when you do the work. A good therapist will support and guide you, but lasting change happens when you actively engage in the process.
- Accommodations. Everyone has different needs when it comes to therapy, and it’s important to find a therapist who can provide accommodations that support your comfort and accessibility. This might include offering virtual sessions, flexible scheduling, a neurodiversity-affirming approach, or modifications for physical disabilities.
- Healthy boundaries. A good therapist maintains professional and ethical boundaries that create a safe and respectful therapeutic environment. This means they respect your privacy, avoid dual relationships, and keep the focus on your needs rather than their own experiences.
- Therapeutic approach. It’s important to find a therapist whose approach aligns with your needs and preferences. Some people benefit from structured, skills-based therapy, while others prefer a more exploratory or relational style. If you’re unsure which approach is best for you, discussing it with your therapist can help determine the right fit.
- Likability. It may not be easy or comfortable going to therapy and opening up emotionally, but it should never feel bad. Typically, people feel better when leaving a session, not worse. If you ever feel unheard, judged, dismissed, or shamed, these could be therapy red flags. Start by letting your therapist know and consider searching for another therapist.
- Communication. Effective therapy relies on open, clear, and respectful communication between you and your therapist. A good therapist listens attentively, explains concepts in a way you understand, and encourages you to express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. They should also check in with you about your progress and be open to feedback about what is or isn’t working in your sessions. Feeling heard and understood can make a significant difference in your therapeutic experience.
Take this free quiz from Mental Health Match to get matched to your ideal mental health counselor.
4. Is it important for my therapist to be like me?
You may find that if a therapist has a similar background as you — like the same gender, race, ethnic background, sexual orientation, work history, etc. — it may feel relieving that you don’t have to explain to them about this significant part of your identity. For many, it can be easier to create a connection and feel safer with becoming vulnerable.
For example, if you and your therapist are both veterans, you may find it easier to talk about your time in the military because you know that your therapist has experienced similar things. You won’t have to explain as much about your day-to-day duties, the culture of the military, and post-discharge adjustment.
The same is true with race, gender, and sexual orientation. If you feel like your experience in the world is deeply impacted by these parts of your identity, you may benefit from seeing a therapist who shares a similar identity. They too might know what it is like to move through the world in a certain way.
What’s just as important is that your therapist shares similar values and that you find them to be relatable and an emotionally safe person to speak with, no matter what their demographics are. Mental Health Match can help you find a therapist that you can connect with on many levels.
5. Is it important that my therapist is located near me?
The location of your mental health therapist depends on your preferences, your schedule, and the frequency you go to therapy. If doing in-person sessions, you’ll want to consider the ease of getting to your therapist. You want to make sure you don’t stress yourself to get to therapy. After all, that would defeat the purpose of going to therapy!
Remote or online therapy can be another option if therapists in your area are hard to get to or have limited schedules.
Therapists must be licensed in the state you live in order to see you. If you’re doing online sessions, consider whether you’re comfortable with a therapist who is licensed in your state but lives far away. You may or may not have preferences about whether your therapist understands the culture, geography, and community you live in.
6. Should I do remote or in-person therapy?
There are pros and cons for seeing a therapist in-person vs. online or remotely, so here are some things to consider as you weigh the decision to see someone in-person or online.
Advantages of in-person therapy
- You can come to a safe space where you won’t physically be distracted.
- Some types of therapy are better provided in person, such as somatic therapies or expressive therapies.
- You really may need in-person interaction for several reasons:
- It’s easier to communicate because of nonverbal communication cues and tone that can be missed online.
- You have more intense mental health needs that remote therapy can’t address due to the types of therapies that you may need.
- You just find that being in someone’s presence is calming and more helpful.
- Your home doesn’t feel private or safe enough for you to fully express feelings and thoughts out loud.
Disadvantages of in-person therapy
- If you live in a remote area, it can be tough to find someone close by that you don’t already know. If you are in a city, you may have a tough commute due to traffic or distance.
- You may not feel comfortable going to a therapist’s office because you feel uneasy talking in-person or are worried that others might see you.
- If you are trying to commute to a therapist’s office during a lunch break or after work, you may find difficulties with scheduling.
Advantages of remote or online therapy
- You can see your therapist while you’re traveling as long as the therapist is licensed where you are located.
- You can see your therapist in the comfort and privacy of your home.
- If you’re disabled, a caregiver, or cannot leave your home for any reason, remote therapy can be a more accessible option.
- A greater number of therapists are available to you. To see a remote therapist, the therapist just has to be licensed to practice in the state you are in.
Disadvantages of remote or online therapy
- You may need to adjust to becoming vulnerable and emotional while on a computer and speaking into a webcam.
- It may be easier to get distracted by other people or pets in your home
- Technical issues such as a poor internet connection can make online therapy less reliable than in-person therapy.
Whatever your needs are, Mental Health Match can help you find a therapist that is best for you. Take our free quiz today and start your search for either a remote or in-person therapist.
7. How long will I have to wait to see a therapist?
Usually, you can schedule a first appointment with a new therapist within a couple of weeks of reaching out to them. Sometimes, you may even be able to see them within a few days.
The availability of therapists depends on factors such as how full their schedule is when you reach out. They should give you an approximate timeline so you know what to expect.
If you need immediate assistance because of a mental health crisis, such as thoughts of harming yourself or another person, here are some resources to use to get help immediately.
Call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988
Go to your nearest emergency room