When it comes to dealing with difficulty we have three choices.
We change our perspective, we change what we have control over, or we avoid the situation altogether. Defense Mechanisms are the latter of the three.
The origins of Defense Mechanisms are Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalytic theory of personality on the Id, Ego and Super-ego.
Freud hypothesized that when the primitive desires of the Id and the societal and moral pressures of the super-ego are in conflict, the result is anxiety.
Freud hypothesized that we use defense mechanisms to alleviate that anxiety.
The most useful defense mechanisms to be aware of are:
Denial; refusing to admit the truth
Intellectualization; using reason or intellect to avoid recognizing your true feelings
Rationalization; sour grapes, sweet lemons, and other excuses
Displacement; releasing your uncomfortable emotions on anything other than the perceived source
Projection; avoiding uncomfortable thoughts or feelings by attributing them to others
Recognizing when you are using a defense mechanism can be the accountability you need to take a more direct approach. Avoidance can be a great buffer, a moment to take pause and throw in some self-soothing techniques. Over the long term suppressed thoughts, feelings and emotions build up and threaten to find another way out.
Acknowledging and accepting your feelings is a courageous act. It requires you to be able to handle a level of incongruence in what you would want or hope for yourself, versus what is actually happening at present. It requires you to be able to hold two truths, that you can do wrong without being wrong.
Give yourself the gift of grace, forgiveness, and space to not get it right every time. There is much more growth there.
Spielman, R. M., Jenkins, W. J., and Lovett, M.D (2014) Psychology. OpenStax.
