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Trauma is a silent yet pervasive force that can shape our lives in ways we may not even realize. From the obvious symptoms of flashbacks, nightmares, and severe anxiety, to the more subtle signs of emotional numbness and feelings of helplessness, trauma can manifest in a myriad of ways. Unfortunately, many of us struggle with the effects of trauma without even realizing it. We might attribute our symptoms to another emotional problem, or simply try to numb ourselves to the pain. But this only prolongs our suffering and delays the healing process.
Trauma is something that can happen to anyone. It is the result of an experience that is highly stressful or painful, and leaves us feeling too overwhelmed to cope. We try to protect ourselves by avoiding or numbing out from our feelings, but this only perpetuates the cycle of trauma.
Childhood trauma is particularly insidious, as it can linger and affect us well into adulthood. Our brains are not fully developed when we are young, so dealing with the consequences of trauma can be even more difficult.
Have you ever noticed yourself struggling, but can’t quite put your finger on what’s wrong or where it came from? Trauma can manifest in many ways, and it’s important to be awa re of the subtle signs that may be present in a person. Here are 5 ways trauma can manifest, for us to look out for. As we become more aware of the subtle signs of trauma, we can take steps to heal, and ultimately, take back control of our lives.
1. The Need to Stay Busy
Are you constantly on the move, unable to simply be, and always rushing to the next thing? Do you find yourself constantly busy, yet never truly achieving anything? This may be a coping mechanism for past traumas, a way to distract yourself from the emotions that surface when you’re not occupied. In today’s fast-paced society, having a hectic schedule and little leisure time is no longer seen as a sign of being overworked and undervalued – it’s now a badge of honor, a sign of having a higher status. But, if we have been excessively criticized throughout our lives or made to feel worthless, being busy by choice may help us to feel needed, in demand, and essential, thereby elevating our feelings of self-worth. But how can you tell if this is you? You may feel guilty when you are resting or relaxing, even when you have time off, thinking “I should be doing this” or “I could catch up on that.” You may not plan for down time, as it takes a backseat to work. Work is at the top of your list, and relationships, family, hobbies, and self-care can be at the bottom. It’s essential to recognize the difference between busyness and productivity. Being busy is about how you spend your time, while productivity is about what you accomplish.
2. The Need to People-Please
People-pleasers are a unique breed of individuals, known for their warmth, generosity, and an unwavering desire to make others happy. They are the ones who constantly say “yes” to every request, offering help to anyone in need. But beneath their pleasing exterior lies a deeper story, one rooted in childhood experiences where they internalized the belief that by being perfectly good or well-behaved, they could avoid conflict and secure love and attachment.
As a result, they become emotional chameleons, constantly trying to blend in and avoid standing out to feel safe. But this constant need to please others comes with a heavy price. They learn to shut down their gut instincts, values, and emotions to be more effective at pleasing others. This can lead to being drawn to abusive relationships, repelled by relationships that offer unconditional love, and internalizing the belief that love has to be earned to feel secure. Recognizing that you may be a people-pleaser and working on developing healthy boundaries is essential for living a more authentic and fulfilling life.
3. Being Hyper-Indepedent
Independence is a coveted trait, one that many of us hold in high regard. But like all things, too much of a good thing can become a liability. Hyper-independence, a response to past traumas, is a perfect example of this. It is characterized by an “I” versus “we” mentality, where we take on too much, refuse help, and struggle with delegating tasks. This mindset may have developed unconsciously, as our bodies and minds naturally develop ways to cope with trauma. Alternatively, it may have originated from a traumatic childhood, such as a household where we had to take on a caretaker role or witnessed abuse. Bullying by other kids can also lead to hyper-independence, as we learn to fend for ourselves and not rely on friends.
Hyper-independence can also lead to codependent relationships, as we feel safer having someone who needs us than someone who can help us. It becomes codependency on ourselves, as we expect to be superheroes and beat ourselves up when we can’t fix everything. This mindset leads to internal anger and disappointment and eventually to stress and burnout.
The key to overcoming hyper-independence is understanding its origins and recognizing that it is not a permanent part of who we are. By working through our past traumas and learning to trust others, ask for help, and accept support, we can find a balance between self-sufficiency and connection.
4. Emotional Hyper-Vigiliance
Are you tired of feeling like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, always on high alert for unseen dangers? This is the reality of hypervigilance, a heightened sensitivity that can trigger intense emotional reactions, anxiety, and impulsive behavior.
Hypervigilance is a condition that can be intensified by long-term stress, conflict, trauma, illness, or significant loss. It can also be a result of growing up in an emotionally unstable environment, such as with an overly anxious parent or in a domestic setting where explosions of anger were common. The shadow of these experiences can cast a long shadow over our relationships and daily lives.
In romantic and platonic relationships, hypervigilance can lead to feelings of insecurity and a desperate need to cling to our partner or loved ones out of fear they will leave. This can create tension and distance in the relationship, as we neglect our own feelings and needs to monitor our partner’s moods and needs. Additionally, hypervigilance can make it difficult to regulate emotions, leading to intense outbursts that can damage trust and intimacy in the relationship.
Hypervigilance is a trauma response that can be managed by practicing self-reflective exercises, creating self-care routines, setting boundaries, and slowing down to reduce its impact.
5. Difficulty with Determining Emotional Distance
As human beings, we all crave connection and acceptance from those around us. But for some of us, this need can be clouded by a lack of self-worth and self-identity. This can cause us to question the motives of others and become highly sensitive to their feelings and needs.
It all starts in childhood. As young children, we rely on our caregivers for safety and comfort. We look to them to reflect our emotional states, helping us understand what is good, bad, appropriate, and inappropriate. But when our caregivers are unable or unwilling to do this, we may develop trust issues. We may become unable to trust that we will be okay as we explore the world because our caregivers did not accurately reflect, comfort, or sustain us.
As adults, these trust issues can manifest in several ways. We may feel inadequate and have trust issues in intimate relationships. We may be afraid to share our ideas at work for fear of being bullied or singled out. We may become emotionally unavailable to our partners or constantly give in to their needs and wants.
Some of us may trust too quickly, desperate for acceptance, oversharing, and expecting too much from new acquaintances. Others may feel they cannot be accepted, afraid that people will reject, ridicule, or hurt them. This fear can make it difficult to trust others and even ourselves, leading to stress and anxiety that interferes with our personal, work, and school lives.
But it’s important to remember that we all have different experiences that shape us and that it’s never too late to build trust and better understand ourselves. By recognizing these patterns and working on them, we can improve our relationships and live happier lives.
Trauma can be a devastating experience, but it doesn’t have to be the end of your story. By recognizing the subtle signs of trauma, you can gain awareness and take back control of your life. With the right support, you can learn to cope with the effects of trauma and reclaim your life.
