People Pleasing vs Centering yourself

Growing up, we are taught to be considerate to the needs of others. It is important to think of the people in your life when making choices. But what I have observed, is that oftentimes this can end up being misconstrued as putting others needs above our own. This is what ends up becoming people-pleasing, which initself can end up leading to resentment. This is a very difficult place to get out of. 

The issue with people pleasing, is that it sets a precedent that we must put our own feelings aside in lieu of someone else’s. It teaches ourselves that our own feelings and thoughts should not be considered. And it teaches others that their thoughts and feelings are more important than ours. People can intentionally or unintentionally take advantage of that, and continue to their needs from you, with nothing in return. If you continue to engage in this, it can become increasingly frustrating. Not only that your needs are not being met, but that the other person’s needs are consistently met. Obviously, consideration for others is a necessary part of healthy relationships. It would then become selfish to never consider how another person feels. But it is important to have awareness of when you are prioritizing theirs over your own. 

Even further, when you are in a habit of putting other peoples needs before your own, you are learning to value what others want/need before you. If this line of thinking because a habit, this can bleed into other areas of your life. So much so that even if no one is present to dismiss your ideas and needs, you will still neglect them because you are in the habit of neglecting yourself for others. 

Sometimes it ok to learn to be more self-centered. That is not necessarily a bad word. Because ultimately it is you who has to live with your decisions, and the experiences that follow. If you never go after your needs, you may never recieve them. And you will have to live in the consequence of that. Is that worth it?