What is the dominant thought in your mind?
What images are you repeatedly seeing?
What do you say to yourself, and how do you talk to YOU?
Anxiety is a belief that produces an emotion.
Originates from thoughts/images/memories in the mind and induces reactions.
Bodily reactions.
It is Sunday afternoon and it is strange because I don’t feel like I have to go out and do something to feel better!
I am sitting here on the patio listening to birds on the trees in front, and I can feel peace in my body.
I can actually feel it in the middle of my chest and it feels like a silky warm liquid flowing, a gentle glow.
Is this what inner peace is about?
Really it doesn’t matter anymore. None of the things that mattered before do when I am feeling this way.
I am wondering how come I could not feel this a few years back when I would just run out toward something to make myself feel at home, comfortable or at ease? Disappointed I gave up after trying it out for years. I had to find a way. I knew I had to commit and that was scary because commitment meant I have to do the work, the
“home works.” And I was tired and sick of feeling this funk 24/7.
I eventually gave in, stopped running away and sat with myself more than one time!
Honestly, because there were no other options left, at that point I was desperate and wanting to change so bad that I would do anything to change these lingering circumstances that I could not kick out of my “home”!
So I committed.
It was the commitment to take myself, my life seriously that pivoted my direction.
I had read the books, gone to seminars, workshops, listened to every YouTube self improvement and motivational video I could get my hands on yet did not get any lasting results.
Wondering what am I doing wrong, what is it that has kept me caged in this loop?
Repeating the same scenarios, same patterns, same features, in different forms.
Not until I made the commitment fully and did the work required of me on a daily basis that I realized; oh, I get it.
I had gotten the knowledge but never practiced it FULLY. I was not consistent. I gave up when it got hard. I moaned, complained. Became bitter, threw out my hands, pulled my hair, rebelled and cursed at the Universe, Why? Why is this happening? Why is this not ending?
Finally I hit a dead end, couldn’t go any further. Weary, I turned and I find myself in front of a concrete wall. At that point I fell to my knees and sobbed.
So I see now.
I can see what I could not see then.
I had to fall apart like a humpy dumpy and fall in order to reconfigure!
To be put back together in a different format.
And I did.
Gradually.
Instead of bitterness 100 percent, I reduced it to a degree that did not induce cognitive dissonance. Started “acting” kinder to myself.
Stopped beating myself, well sometimes I even liked myself.
I “Imagined” every night!
I cared!
I took walks with the little child in me in nature!
I took her hand and listened to her needs.
In the kitchen when nobody was around which was always the case I did a goofy dance with her and made sandwiches she liked!
I treated my wounded inner child with respect, and belonging in goofy silly ways. That is how I could have her relate and trust again.
I treated myself as a child who needed love, acceptance, and warm attention in order to trust and keep going.
Not giving up!
So I did.
Guess what?
It worked!
