What story do you tell yourself?

What is the dominant thought in your mind? 

What images are you repeatedly seeing?

What do you say to yourself, and how do you talk to YOU?

Anxiety is a belief that produces an emotion. 

Originates from thoughts/images/memories in the mind and induces reactions. 

Bodily reactions. 

It is Sunday afternoon and it is strange because I don’t feel like I have to go out and do something to feel better!

I am sitting here on the patio listening to birds on the trees in front, and I can feel peace in my body. 

I can actually feel it in the middle of my chest and it feels like a silky warm liquid flowing, a gentle glow.

Is this what inner peace is about? 

Really it doesn’t matter anymore. None of the things that mattered before do when I am feeling this way. 

I am wondering how come I could not feel this a few years back when I would just run out toward something to make myself feel at home, comfortable or at ease? Disappointed I gave up after trying it out for years. I had to find a way. I knew I had to commit and that was scary because commitment meant I have to do the work, the 

“home works.” And I was tired and sick of feeling this funk 24/7. 

I eventually gave in, stopped running away and sat with myself more than one time! 

Honestly, because there were no other options left, at that point I was desperate and wanting to change so bad that I would do anything to change these lingering circumstances that I could not kick out of my “home”! 

So I committed. 

It was the commitment to take myself, my life seriously that pivoted my direction. 

I had read the books, gone to seminars, workshops, listened to every YouTube self improvement and motivational video I could get my hands on yet did not get any lasting results. 

Wondering what am I doing wrong, what is it that has kept me caged in this loop?

Repeating the same scenarios, same patterns, same features, in different forms.

Not until I made the commitment fully and did the work required of me on a daily basis that I realized; oh, I get it. 

I had gotten the knowledge but never practiced it FULLY. I was not consistent. I gave up when it got hard. I moaned, complained. Became bitter, threw out my hands, pulled my hair, rebelled and cursed at the Universe, Why? Why is this happening? Why is this not ending? 

Finally I hit a dead end, couldn’t go any further. Weary, I turned and I find myself in front of a concrete wall.  At that point I fell to my knees and sobbed.

So I see now.

I can see what I could not see then. 

I had to fall apart like a humpy dumpy and fall in order to reconfigure! 

To be put back together in a different format.

And I did. 

Gradually.

Instead of bitterness 100 percent, I reduced it to a degree that did not induce cognitive dissonance. Started “acting” kinder to myself.

Stopped beating myself, well sometimes I even liked myself.

I “Imagined” every night! 

I cared!

I took walks with the little child in me in nature!

I took her hand and listened to her needs.

In the kitchen when nobody was around which was always the case I did a goofy dance with her and made sandwiches she liked!

I treated my wounded inner child with respect, and belonging in goofy silly ways. That is how I could have her relate and trust again.

I treated myself as a child who needed love, acceptance, and warm attention in order to trust and keep going.

Not giving up!

So I did.

Guess what? 

It worked!