Understanding the anxiety behind I got this Mentality.

“I got this” mentality is what makes many of my clients badasses and strong women!

The ‘I got this mentality’ is how they survived, made meaning of their life, and overcame difficult situations. This perseverance is a beautiful asset. You wouldn’t be you without the ‘I got this mentality’. But, often, there is an underlying negative belief that no one has your back or that you cannot rely on anyone. Feeling like you have to do it alone can be buried way down deep in the basement of your unconscious. We’re made to connect and be interdependent, and many clients struggle to trust others and keep a tight guard around their hearts. But this guard protects, yet it keeps real love, connection, and sunshine from my clients’ lives.

I invite you to imagine someone having your emotional back. Imagine someone is there when you need them, and you can be your complete self. If that thought or idea scares you, you’re not alone! You may be angry because you felt that you had to shoulder your emotions by yourself and make others comfortable along the way. Many of my clients struggle with high-functioning anxiety. This anxiety is rooted in a lot of feelings lying underneath the surface. These feelings can look like overworking, guilt, not being enough, can’t take a break or risk, boredom, needing to prove yourself, or the inability to say no. And sometimes the anxiety is all you have and all you know, and occasionally many of my clients think that that is who they are. And I want to share that you are much more than your anxiety and what happened to you!

Life is hard, and you suffer from thinking that this over-functioning anxiety is who you are, and if you desire something different or want a different life, you can’t have that. And that’s what’s problematic with this. “I got this” mentality. Many of my clients have childhoods where they’d hide, play small, not share their feelings, and be the good girl at home and school. They emotionally took care of their parents. Emotional caretaking might look like having a mother who is depressed or sick, and you are very in tune with her emotions and do what you can to make her feel better. It could also look like having a physically present father but emotionally distant and didn’t validate or embrace who you are.

However, your father commented on all of your accomplishments. Or you could be doing an excellent job at school, being the leader of your class, getting an A+ in extra credit on a project, whatever the case is. Then you come home feeling so excited and proud of yourself, and you come home to a quiet home. All the excitement and your accomplishment fall on deaf ears, and mom and dad don’t even look your way or do not acknowledge you. Many of my clients describe the process of being ignored as painful and try to find praise and connection where they can. For many of them, it was being a good and friendly girl.

I reassure you that you’re much more than this ‘I got this mentality’. We all seek validation and want to feel important to someone. It’s a human need to feel part of something. We want to feel like we’re contributing to a family, community, or culture. And many clients share that they are fearful that if they change or heal some of these wounds, they won’t be able to perform the way they did, or things might fall apart. However, the opposite happens often for many of my clients, where they feel more energy, focus more on the things that matter to them, and feel a sense of connection to themselves. They can set boundaries at work, with family, and with their spouses. They can show up in real and connect with the people they love with genuine love. By being kind to yourself and taking time for yourself, you’re still able to perform and do the things you’re passionate about, and you can do it with ease and with a sense of true confidence. Many of my clients feel torn at the seams with all the responsibilities and everything they have to do because I think they have to get all these A+s in all these areas. Trying to get A+ in all areas of life makes many clients tired.  There is hope; you are not alone!

Soul Glue Reflection: 

I invite you to think of one person or someone in society that you genuinely admire and consider what qualities that person has taught you.