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Losing someone you love profoundly is undoubtedly devastating and earth-shattering. You may experience many physical and emotional manifestations of grief, such as crying, fatigue, insomnia or wanting to sleep all the time, lack of appetite or the opposite, and even anger. As our love for our beloved will never go away, neither will the grief we feel. However, with time and active participation in your grief journey, the intensity of the grief softens with time. Something that even may help soften your intense emotions is honoring yourself and your loved one.
By honoring yourself and your loved one, you can tell your sadness and anger to move over to make room for other thoughts, memories, and emotions. So how do we honor ourselves while also honoring our loved ones? Grief expert Eleanor Haley at What’s Your Grief offers some helpful suggestions, although not an exhaustive list:
- Allow yourself to feel your emotions as a way of honoring your loved one. Acknowledge the full range of emotions that remembering them brings out in you like sadness, pain, frustration, anger, yearning, appreciation, laughter, warmth, and love.
- Plan to do something they enjoyed or that you enjoyed together.
- Gather with family or friends who are supportive and eager to honor your loved one with you.
- Spend time in nature or somewhere where you can be alone with your thoughts. Plant something each year in their memory; spread wildflower seeds.
- Make a monetary donation in their name to a cause they would have supported. Some people also consider donating blood, if possible.
- Create a tradition of going to a specific place on their birthday – dinner at the same spot, noon mass, movies. For some people, it helps to have somewhere to go.
- If leaving the house feels daunting, take the day off of work and other responsibilities and plan a day at home. Tell yourself ahead of time that it’s okay to be completely unproductive today if that’s what you need.
- Send a card or note to someone else grieving the death. If you can, share a memory or a story that may be new to them.
- Tell your story and tell their story; your story may change over time, and that is okay.
Sometimes we struggle to honor ourselves and our deceased loved ones in our grief-phobic society. However, it is important to remember that it is healthy to process our feelings, to be kind to ourselves and that it is normal and therapeutic to honor our loved ones. May you find the time and space to honor yourself and your loved one.
All my love,
Nikki
The link to Eleanor’s article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/ways-to-remember-loved-ones-during-the-holidays/
