The Struggle of Sick Kids

Bang Bang Bang….MOMMY!!!!!!!

You know it, you dread it….your kid is calling for you and it’s 2am….as you drag yourself out of bed you fear the worst. You reach their room to find a crying child—you reach down and BANG—ANOTHER FEVER?!?!

A million thoughts race through your mind. How are they sick AGAIN? Is it RSV? COVID? THE FLU? THE DREADED HAND FOOT MOUTH???? How are you ever going to sleep, do you need to call the pediatrician, you have that big presentation tomorrow and who’s going to stay home??

On and on it goes, and as badly as you worry for your kid, you also worry for yourself. How can you sustain this? How can you keep your job and life going?? Is everyone going to catch it?

Motherhood is not easy. It’s a balancing act of being a wife, a mother and an individual. When your little one falls sick, it’s like the world is collapsing on you. You have to take care of them, but you also have to make sure that your other kids are taken care of too. Frankly, it sucks and you can’t prepare for this.

There are many things that mothers expect when they become parents. But there are also things that they don’t expect. And these expectations vs reality scenarios can be quite shocking for the mothers who were not expecting them at all.

There are no easy answers of how to manage with sick kids, and in this post covid world, the sickness just seems to be everywhere. A few thoughts come to mind:

• You aren’t a doctor (unless you are so disregard obvs). Get yourself a pediatrician who understands what is going on and hopefully can provide on call phone calls to help you. When in doubt, urgent care and the ER are there. I hear from so many parents how lonely and scared these middle of the night fevers/coughs/pukes/wheezes are. If your doctor is rude about it, try to find one who isn’t. 
• You did nothing to deserve this. It is awful and and unfortunate perfect storm of germs right now. I’m sorry if the people in your life don’t understand (what do you mean you’re not coming to our always most important family party blah blah blah) (calm down we all get sick stop being so paranoid) (who cares if their sleep schedule gets messed up or if they get sick—it’s the HOLIDAYS)(why are you SO WORRIED about our expensive nonrefundable travel plans that could possibly be ruined if we all get sick) 
• Wash your hands, maybe wear a mask if it’s feasible and take a deep breath. You can’t control all of this, you are doing everything that you can. 
• Here is where I should talk about work but I get it. You’re pulled in 2 directions. I’m sorry if your boss or job doesn’t care about your kids and your sleep and the millionth illness since Sept. Remind yourself you are doing the best that you can. 
• Practice acceptance. Kids get sick. A lot. Their little immune systems are working overtime. Practice acceptance of these inevitable realities regularly. Work to develop thoughts that help with this. Some ideas are: 
  • Kids get sick and we will survive.
  • This is hard today but it won’t last forever.
  • Even if I do everything right, a kid might get sick.
  • Even if we are up all night, I will sleep eventually.

One of my kids has routinely gotten some kind of puking sickness literally every time we’ve gone on vacation since birth. She’s thrown up on people, places and things. Every time. Now we just carry puke buckets, cuz if you can’t beat them…accept!

Ask for help and lower your standards. This season is a rough one. Ask for help. Get that takeout. Call a friend, a neighbor, a coworker, a grandparent, aunt, uncle, anything. Let the house get wrecked, you’ll bleach everything when you can. 15 hours of screen time? Get that charger out and accept it!

It’s not easy being a parent right now. If this resonated with you but you still feel riddled with guilt, fear or obsessive worry about yourself, your kids, or your health, a therapist can help you find a path forward with less stress and anxiety.