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Domestic violence is a pervasive and devastating problem that affects individuals and families from all walks of life, regardless of their socioeconomic status. Contrary to popular belief, domestic violence is not limited to low-income households or communities. In fact, research suggests that domestic violence occurs just as frequently, if not more so, among affluent households.
Domestic violence among the affluent is a complex issue that is often overlooked or minimized due to societal stereotypes and misconceptions. It can take many forms, including physical, sexual, emotional, and financial abuse, and can be perpetrated by either a male or female partner. The results of domestic violence among the affluent are multifaceted and can negatively impact a range of life’s roles, to include power imbalances, addiction, mental health issues, work, and relationship stress.
One of the main challenges in addressing domestic violence among the affluent is the social stigma and shame associated with discussing such issues within wealthy communities. Many victims of domestic violence feel embarrassed or ashamed to speak out, fearing that it may damage their reputation or their partner’s standing in the community or workplace. Additionally, affluent abusers may use their wealth and status as a means of controlling their partners, making it even more difficult for victims to come forward or seek help.
Another factor that contributes to the prevalence of domestic violence among the affluent is the lack of awareness and understanding about the mystifying dynamics of abuse. The often-sporadic nature of abusive behavior helps keep reality at bay. There are times when everything seems normal allowing time for extreme behavior to seem less potent. This leads to minimizing the seriousness of the outburst, resulting in denial. The good times return (honeymoon stage), and we convince ourselves their outburst wasn’t that bad. We may trick ourselves into believing we may be the one to blame for their blowing it out of proportion. After all that is what they are telling us.
Not recognizing their extreme reactions as abuse is understandable, as it may be so out of touch with your beliefs about yourself and who you are. This becomes a type of cognitive dissonance, changing how you perceive reality. We may think, this is the life I’ve chosen; surely I can conform to their standards. The reality is you can never conform enough, and the bar is always changing depending on the whims of your partner. After all, why should they change their ways when you have been taking the blame all along. As time goes by you give more and more of your power away just to keep the peace.
This masking serves a purpose to our psyche as emotional self-protection. However, it also places you deeper in the web of accepting further emotional abuse. As life goes on you may bury yourself in work, caring for the kids or even using numbing drugs to self-medicate. On the outside and to friends and family you look like the perfect couple. Attempts to confide in friends lead to dismissal and dismay that there is possible a problem in your relationship, “you act so happy”. “Surely this is just a little spat and will blow over”.
But living in such an unsettling relationship takes its toll on your psyche. Feelings of guilt, shame and low self-esteem start to overtake your once sense of who you were. Long term effects may show up as depression, panic attacks or acute stress reaction. Alcohol or drug consumption may increase as you go deeper into feelings of insanity. Trauma bonding explains why an abusive relationship creates such a powerful connection and makes it harder to leave.
If you believe you are in a toxic and unhealthy relationship, there is hope. Obtaining more information about the facts and further educating yourself is a first step. A leading author and expert on the matter is Lundy Bancroft. His web site offers books, articles, podcasts, and other resources on emotional abuse. Lundybancroft.com
If you would like to reach out to me about therapeutic services and further information on domestic violence and solution focused care in Georgia or South Carolina, Suze Maze -Therapist (clientsecure.me).
