Thinking about Therapy?
Take our quiz to see therapists who are a good match for you.
Take our quiz to see therapists who are a good match for you.
A practice that I teach my clients is learning how to sit in the discomfort of our inner dialogue, emotions, thoughts, and triggering experiences.
Now, I am usually asked, how do I not be consumed by it? And the trick is intentional awareness.
I use the analogue of quick sand, the harder you struggle the deeper you get stuck.
Instead, we intentional observe what we are experiencing. We then realize that it is THE emotion, THE thought, THE experience – rather than OUR emotion, OUR thought, OUR experience. This is tricky language but it helps to see that we are not our thoughts, our emotions, our experiences, but instead the observer of these sensations and experiences.
Here is how I practice holding space using intentional awareness. I intentionally bring my awareness to whatever is occurring in the moment, in a curious not judgment way. I openly acknowledge its presence in a compassionate way. I sit observing the way it makes my body feel, where in my body I feel it, what is occurring in my mind and my breathe, without forcing it to change but rather allowing it to be whatever it needs to be in that moment.
I gently and kindly sit with it in a space of contemplation and ask it, “what is it trying to show me?” I then journal my response and reflect on the bigger picture. This takes less effort and more presence. Remember the quick sand analogue – the more I fight to change it, the more I get stuck.
It is not about trying to escape or extinguish this experience.
Finally, I openly accept it (accepting it is not the same as condoning it or allowing it consume us). Accepting it takes intentional awareness, for it exists whether we like it or not. Acceptance is the acknowledgement that it exists AND I may wish it did not. This gives it space to be without forcing change.
A feeling will only last in our body 1 minute and 30 seconds, if we were to do this practice every time. Most of us have not been taught how to process emotional and mental material, we are use to denying, suppressing, ignoring, or dwelling.
Practicing the art of sitting with discomfort is one of the biggest reliefs you will ever experience and it takes practice.
Therapist are here to help you with this exact practice. I am here to help anyone looking to do this work. – Dr. Kim
