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Day to day our self- esteem is challenged when observing others. One may think, “some else has it better.” One then looks to oneself and finds many complaints, many imperfections. To add insult to injury a person comes along and states a judgement or opinion of the one. Could one’s day get any worse? One then possibly feels “validated” by One’s environment and there One goes down the rabbit hole of intense negative self-talk.
I believe you know what I’m talking about, “I knew I was not valuable. I knew I wasn’t pretty enough. I feel like I am never enough.” Then it goes to “Well I guess I won’t even try.” Soon the isolation comes into play (either feeling lonely in my head or/and executing isolating behavior). For lack of better terms, I am stuck.
A teacher of mine said to me “Julie, who cares what other people say! You beat yourself just fine by yourself!” WOW!!!! Was this teacher right on point! I really knew how to criticize myself to a tee. So, I started a mantra, per se and started to internally say to myself when I felt judged by an experience, a person, a moment, “Julie, seriously, they can say what they want but I win at my own judgement.” Furthermore, practicing this statement in my head allowed me to care less about the judgement of others because, truthfully, another person only judges from that one perspective and is latent with a personal investment, a personal narrative and ego. If I really wanted to see and believe in myself, one needed to really start to confront myself. I had to confront by subconscious, my inner critic, and have a frank conversation. Little by little I would chip away a negative thought about self. I would still believe in the negative thought BUT NOW I could challenge it with a more useful thought, one that could be graceful and forgiving to myself in this complicated process of life. I am still a work in progress as well as those I share this skill within sessions. One negative thought and at the same time one useful thought.
