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Perfectionism affects the majority of people, with 92% of people being impacted by it.
Perfectionism significantly impacts how we interact with others, approach our work, and lead in various situations. Perfectionism often operates as a subconscious level, and you may believe that your high standards simply reflect your strong work ethic.
Surely, a high level of success and a desire for things to be presented in a high light is not entirely bad by nature.
However, excessive perfectionism can create an immense pressure not only on yourself but also on meeting the expectations of others. This pattern can take a significant toll on your mental health, making even simple tasks feel overwhelming.
This blog post and series aims to shed light on the causes, symptoms, signs, and effects of perfectionism on your mental health. Furthermore, we will explore the challenges of saying “no” and how people-pleasing can fuel perfectionism. Lastly, you’ll get some practical strategies to help you manage these issues effectively.
Perfectionism: What is it?
If you are a perfectionist, you may tend to set extremely high standards for yourself and those around you. You may also be overly critical when those standards are unmet.
Further, you can experience difficulty receiving any amount of criticism, even if it’s coupled with positive feedback. (How many times have you gotten a 90% on a test or a ⅘ rating on a performance review and only been able to focus on what you missed or didn’t do well on? Yeah, here’s to looking at you!)
You may also feel a strong need for control, believing that only you can attain the desired perfection level. As a consequence, you may experience frustration, anxiety, or even depressed mood when things don’t go according to plan.
Here are some of the indicators of perfectionism:
- Overly critical of oneself and other people
- Having the impression that nothing is ever good enough
- Struggling to delegate tasks or work collaboratively
- Procrastinating due to fear of failure
- Struggling with decision-making
Having a perfectionist parent or growing up in a strict household could have contributed to your tendency toward perfection. Contributing factors can also include societal pressure and the expectation of excellence in many areas, such as beauty, work, and personal relationships.
It’s also common for perfectionism to be accompanied by people-pleasing behavior.
The Link between Perfectionism and People-Pleasing
The complex relationship between perfectionism and people-pleasing can result in various mental health problems, including stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem. These two issues often intertwine and create a vicious cycle where the symptoms of each behavior reinforce one another, making it difficult to break the pattern.
Perfectionism and High Standards
Perfectionists tend to set high standards for themselves and put in great effort to achieve success. This high level of effort and exerted energy can also result in setting unrealistic expectations for those around them.
It’s easy to fall into the very common trap of thinking that meeting only your own expectations is insufficient and that others won’t notice or care. It can lead to a mistaken belief that you must assist others in meeting these standards, resulting in a seemingly compulsive urge to go above and beyond when they fail to meet your expectations.
Perfectionism’s Self-Reinforcing Loop of Positive Feedback
When someone who strives for perfection is praised and validated by others, they may feel compelled to perform even better to receive even more praise and validation.
As a result, this can sometimes cause them to a sense of self-worth and self-esteem that is now not only contingent upon their own view of their success, but others’ view of success as well.
Consequently, a perfectionist might continue to strive for perfection not for their own advantage but rather for the approval of other people.
The Trifecta: Perfectionism, People-Pleasing, and Low Self-Esteem
If you have a habit of trying to do everything perfectly, you may also have problems with people-pleasing, low self-esteem, and have a tough time saying “no” to the demands or expectations of others. These three actions frequently go hand in hand.
Both people-pleasing and perfectionism stem from a desire to prove your worth. Underlying these tendencies is fear – fear that you’re not good enough and that others will reject or abandon you. Consequently, you may feel that you must keep pleasing, achieving, and striving for perfection for others to accept and value you.
