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The effects of childhood trauma can be far-reaching, especially in close and intimate relationships. If you had a difficult childhood, it might be hard for you to connect well with other people. It can make it hard for you to build and maintain healthy relationships.
This blog series delves into the impact of childhood trauma on attachment style and relationships, with a particular focus on complex trauma/complex PTSD (C-PTSD), and how to heal from these mental health challenges.
Childhood Trauma (Adverse Childhood Experiences)
An adverse childhood experience (ACE) is when a child goes through a big physical, emotional, or mental change that hurts or upsets them. Some examples are being abused physically, sexually, or emotionally, being or feeling abandoned, parents divorcing, or being exposed to repeated violence. If a person doesn’t have support to deal with or treat childhood trauma, it can have long-term effects on their mental and physical health, affecting their overall well-being – even when they are adults.
Poverty, social inequality, family problems, and constant exposure to violence or trauma are just some of the things that can make childhood and complex trauma worse. These issues are prevalent in American society, especially in marginalized or underserved communities.
About 61% of adults in the US have reported going through at least one Adverse Childhood Experience before age 18, with nearly one in six individuals reporting four or more types of ACEs.
Unpacking the Emotional Scars: Understanding Childhood Trauma and Complex PTSD
If you were hurt physically or emotionally as a child, you might develop symptoms like anxiety, depression, hypervigilance, and difficulty or an inability to connect with others. You may also have trouble with trust, intimacy, and controlling your emotions, making it hard to maintain healthy relationships.
Complex PTSD can cause additional symptoms such as a constant feeling of shame, guilt, persistent feelings of helplessness, and physical symptoms such as chronic pain and headaches. These symptoms and effects can be overwhelming and chronic, affecting many parts of your life.
Childhood Trauma Can Disrupt the Development of a Secure Attachment
Your attachment style refers to how you connect and relate to others, particularly in close relationships. It is developed during your childhood based on the nature of the emotional connections you form with your caregivers.
Anxious-Preoccupied
If you have an anxious-preoccupied attachment style, you might have trouble trusting others and experience a fear of being abandoned by them. You may also require constant validation and approval from your partner. This attachment style is often particularly challenging for individuals with PTSD and C-PTSD, as triggers and flashbacks can intensify their fears.
Avoidant-Dismissive
Avoidant-dismissive people have trouble letting their guard down in relationships and are more likely to put up barriers to emotional closeness. You are a person who places a high value on independence and self-sufficiency, and you may have a fear of being dependent on other people. This style can make it difficult for those with PTSD and C-PTSD to connect with others and receive support.
Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized)
If you have a fearful-avoidant attachment style, you might feel both a longing for closeness and a fear of being rejected or left alone in relationships. To safeguard against the potential hurt that comes with being vulnerable and trusting others, you may consciously or otherwise avoid or sabotage your relationships. This attachment style may make symptoms of PTSD and C-PTSD worse, making it more difficult to build solid relationships with others.
Navigating the Tangled Web of Complex Trauma and Relationships
When complex trauma happens in childhood, it can have long-lasting effects on interpersonal connections. People who struggle with complex trauma may find it hard to build and keep healthy relationships because they have trouble with trust, emotional control, and intimacy. As a result, they may have difficulty opening up to others and feeling emotionally connected to those around them.
Unhealthy ways of relating are another negative consequence of experiencing complex trauma. Complex trauma survivors, for instance, may exhibit emotional distance that makes it hard for them to depend on others or ask for help. Or, they may develop a persistent anxiety disorder that makes them afraid of being left alone and makes them need constant reassurance from the people closest to them.
Complex trauma survivors may also have trouble setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, making it hard to stand up for themselves in intimate relationships. They may also experience emotional flashbacks, reliving past traumas, making it challenging to remain present in their current relationships.
Triggers and Flashbacks: The Hidden Challenge of Loving Someone with Complex PTSD
Loving someone with C-PTSD can present its own set of challenges. One of the hidden challenges of loving someone with C-PTSD is dealing with their triggers and flashbacks.
Almost anything that reminds a trauma survivor of their past can set off their mental and physical defenses. A trigger could come from anything, including sights, sounds, scents, or circumstances. Flashbacks are intense recollections of past traumas that can make someone feel like they are reliving the event.
Knowing what to do or say or do when a loved one is experiencing triggers or memories may be challenging. You may feel helpless, frustrated, or even scared. Remember that your loved one’s triggers and flashbacks, and subsequently emotion-based behaviors, are not intentional acts to harm you emotionally, but a sign of their C-PTSD.
The most effective way to help a loved one is to get familiar with their triggers and avoid setting them off unintentionally. Communication is often the most crucial when dealing with C-PTSD. Discuss your loved one’s triggers and ask what you can do to support them when they are experiencing one.
Your loved one’s triggers and memories may not make sense to you at first, and that’s okay. What sets off flashbacks or painful memories for one individual may not do the same for another. Be patient, compassionate, and non-judgmental as you support your loved one through their healing journey.
Whether you’re looking for online therapy in Oregon, or you’d rather enjoy a one-on-one session with a local therapist in your area, starting therapy can be your starting point if you want to work towards healing from your trauma or better understanding how to support a loved one with trauma.
