Do I Have Childhood Amnesia?

Table of contents

Why can’t I remember my childhood?

Typical childhood memory processes

Childhood amnesia

How memory works

Potential causes of problems in childhood memory

How trauma in childhood impacts memory

What are repressed memories?

Can therapy help?

How do I know if I should seek therapy?

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy

FAQs about EMDR for childhood trauma

Why can’t I remember my childhood?

Have you ever wondered why it’s so hard to remember events, places, or people from childhood? Sometimes childhood memories can feel like they are shrouded in a mysterious fog, or just out of reach. You might hear your friends sharing vivid stories and details from their early years, but it’s a struggle to recall even a glimpse of your own. The enigma of missing childhood memories can leave you feeling a mix of curiosity, frustration, worry, and sadness. 

If you’ve ever wondered why childhood memories can feel like distant whispers, you’re not alone. It’s a common experience many people share. This blog post will explore 

• How memory works
• Potential reasons for difficulty recalling adverse childhood experiences 
• The impacts of having experienced trauma—including how it may affect behavior and memory
• Whether or not mental health care can help

Typical childhood memory processes

Typically, childhood memories capture a mix of the extraordinary—say, the first time you saw the ocean or rode on an airplane—with the ordinary—the layout of the apartment your family lived in, or your 2nd grade teacher’s tortoiseshell eyeglasses. The memories weave together the fabric of childhood, forming a patchwork of experiences that help you understand where you have been in life. Remembering every detail from the past is not typical, and that’s okay! Our brains are selective in what they choose to hold onto, and it’s the emotions and impressions that often leave a lasting imprint. 

Childhood amnesia

It’s normal to have some gaps or hazy memories from childhood. Childhood amnesia, also known as infantile amnesia, refers to the inability to remember our earliest years of life. Our brains are not yet fully developed during this time, including the parts tasked with encoding and retrieving memories. As a result, most adults have limited or fragmented recollections of their early childhood before three or four years old. While this may initially seem disappointing, it’s a normal part of human development. 

As we age, we continue to lose memories from earlier in life. Our brains need to free up space for new experiences and more complex memories, which is why it’s usually harder to remember things from early childhood.

How memory works

To understand why you experience childhood memories in the way that you do, it can be helpful to understand how memories work in our brains and how children learn. Information goes through three stages to become a memory:

1. Encoding – This occurs when the brain takes in new information. Typically, people take this information in through their sight, hearing, touch, or how they understand the meaning behind the experience or event.
2. Storage – Refers to the process of the brain keeping and maintaining the information it encodes—the modal model of memory storage posits that memory is stored first as short-term memory. Then, if the information is ‘important enough,’ the experience moves into long-term memory, which has more space for storage. 
3. Retrieval – The process of accessing stored information. Retrieval of childhood memories may be voluntary—trying to remember your kindergarten teacher’s name or middle school locker combination, or involuntary—having a memory of a beloved deceased grandmother enter your mind upon catching a whiff of her perfume. 

In the brain, memories are formed when brain cells, called neurons, communicate through special connections called synapses. These connections create pathways that help store and retrieve memories. In other words, we do not keep our memories in filing cabinets, with each memory being on its own and independent of the next. Memory is stored in networks, with each memory coloring or amplifying the message of other related memories. Understanding how memory works as a network can help us grasp the profound impact trauma and other stressors can have on our memories and our ability to retrieve them. 

Potential causes of problems in childhood memory

There are multiple reasons an adult may have difficulty retrieving memories outside of what is considered ‘typical’ childhood amnesia. These reasons include:

Childhood Depression – Depression occurring during early childhood can lead to difficulty recalling events from childhood in adolescence and adulthood (Barch, D., 2019).

Traumatic Brain Injury – Childhood Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) (a.k.a. hitting your head really really hard as a kid) can significantly decrease memory retention and retrieval in adulthood (Park, M., 2014).

Substance Abuse – Drug use, especially persistent drug use, can cause long-term cognitive impairment, including memory difficulties (Lautieri, 2023). Addiction and drug use are highly correlated with trauma, which also can cause childhood memory difficulties.

Trauma – Childhood trauma alters the brain, making it difficult to recall these distressing experiences later in life (Hakamata Y, 2021). Childhood trauma has been found to be the cause of many memory difficulties in adulthood. 

How trauma in childhood impacts memory

Memory loss or inability to recall details of traumatic events is a common hallmark of childhood trauma. It can be frustrating to experience difficulty forming new memories or remembering information from recent conversations or experiences. Imagine having a nagging feeling that something terrible happened to you as a child but being unable to grasp the complete picture or confirm if your concerns are valid. This internal conflict can lead to self-doubt, preoccupation, isolation, or dismissing your worries without delving deeper. It is crucial to acknowledge that trauma, even the less obvious forms of child maltreatment like emotional abuse or neglect, can significantly impair memory function (Dodaj, A., 2017). These types of abuse may not involve physical harm, but their psychological impact is profound. 

When a child undergoes a traumatic event, it reverberates through their body, including their memory system. The stress and fear associated with trauma disrupt the brain’s encoding and storage processes, compromising how children learn to manage this threat-related adversity. This can lead to experiences such as intrusive thoughts and vivid flashbacks that involuntarily make it feel like the trauma is happening all over again. In some cases, the mind dissociates, creating a mental detachment from the traumatic experience. Alternatively, the brain may unconsciously repress the memory entirely, making it challenging, if not impossible, to recall. These defense mechanisms are the brain’s way of protecting us from being overly sensitive to distressing memories—as a way to safeguard our conscious awareness from the pain they carry. 

What are repressed memories?

The phrase ‘repressed memory’ has historically stirred controversy, particularly within the legal system. It’s difficult to ascertain whether a memory is repressed or is a false memory, especially without additional evidence showing that the traumatic events in question actually occurred. However, as more research and case studies emerge, the concept of repressed memories has gained wider acceptance in recent years. 

To clarify, false memory is a type of memory distortion in which an individual recalls or believes in events or details that did not occur. An individual can create false memories unintentionally. Over time, these memories can become deeply ingrained and emotionally charged, leading the individual to confidently remember traumatic events that never occurred.

Repressed memories refer to a specific type of memory commonly associated with trauma. Repression happens when the mind unconsciously blocks or pushes distressing memories, thoughts, or emotions out of conscious awareness, sometimes leading the person to forget the traumatic event. This defense mechanism serves as a way to prevent emotional overwhelm caused by traumatic memories.

Repressed memories can remain concealed for extended periods, often spanning years or even decades. Among people who have experienced childhood trauma, repressed memories can but don’t always resurface later in life and affect behavior. It is recommended to seek professional support from a mental health professional trained in trauma therapy to explore repressed memories. A therapist or psychiatrist can expertly guide the emotional processing that helps people move past their childhood adversity in a safe, intentional way.

Can therapy help?

Therapy can provide a safe space to explore and process your emotions, memories, and experiences—even if your recollection lacks substance or you can’t recall events but suspect that you experienced childhood trauma. A therapist can help you understand how childhood trauma may have impacted your memory and guide you toward recovery. 

Memory loss around childhood is a confusing experience that tends to fill people going through it with overly sensitive feelings of self-doubt, shame, and a sense of isolation. But in the context of sound mental health care, you can say things like

‘I feel like other people have more childhood memories than I do.’ 

or 

‘I have this foreboding feeling that maybe I survived sexual abuse, but I have no proof that it happened.’ 

Therapists are trained to support people to gain clarity, become more emotionally comfortable with the unknown, trust their intuition, and increase understanding about otherwise confusing experiences through education. 

How do I know if I should seek therapy?

It may be helpful to talk to a therapist specializing in childhood trauma if you’re experiencing any of the following: 

• Intense and overly sensitive emotions or reactions (such as anxiety, irritability, or anger) triggered by certain situations or sensory experiences, without knowing why.
• Persistent nightmares or flashbacks of distressing events from childhood, even if the image flashing in your mind is brief, an unexplainable emotion, or is difficult to put words to.
• Replaying unhealthy relationship patterns or difficulty forming or maintaining healthy relationships or friendships.
• Incomplete emotional processing, including fear, anxiety, or sadness about your past.
• Struggling with self-esteem or low self-worth, including negative self-talk, self-doubt, and low motivation to engage in activities that are healthy for you. 
• Having a persistent, nagging thought that you experienced trauma, even if you can’t explain why or what.
• Physical symptoms with no medical explanation, including stomachaches, headaches, or difficulty sleeping. 

Taking proactive steps towards addressing these issues with professional help from a qualified therapist can be invaluable in improving mental health over time. Choosing a form of mental health treatment that is evidence-based is an essential first step in the journey of recovering from childhood trauma.

There are many methods for addressing past traumas, but one method of therapy deserves particular consideration:

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy is an evidence-based approach used to treat childhood trauma and can be extremely effective when related memory issues are present. This therapeutic modality recognizes that the brain stores traumatic experiences in a fragmented manner that prevents processing and integrating these memories. This dysregulated process leads to internalized, unconscious negative beliefs about the self in relation to what happened. These negative beliefs may sound like 

• ‘It was my fault,’ 
• ‘I am powerless,’ 
• ‘I can’t trust myself.’ 

EMDR therapy serves as a way to jumpstart the reprocessing of the traumatic memories through bilateral stimulation on the body, through back-and-forth eye movements, tapping, or auditory sensations, leading the brain to take on more realistic, positive views of the self concerning what happened. These new beliefs may include 

• ‘I did the best I could,’ 
• ‘I am powerful,’ 
• ‘I can trust myself.’

Best of all, the EMDR therapy process can still work if memory is hazy, details are unclear, or there is suspicion that something happened, but it’s difficult to say what. EMDR therapy can also effectively treat intergenerational trauma or if you experience distress over a trauma that occurred to someone you love. A certified EMDR therapist can expertly lead you through reprocessing to help you gain a more comprehensive, coherent understanding of what you went through. By targeting both the traumatic memories and how they are showing up for a person in the present, EMDR therapy promotes the integration of the past into the present, allowing individuals to move forward with increased resilience, self-compassion, and a greater sense of well-being. 

FAQs about EMDR for childhood trauma

Do I need to go into detail about my traumatic experience?

Not necessarily. You can share the details about the trauma you experienced with your therapist if that makes you feel better, but doing so is not required for the emotional processing to be effective. 

Can I still go to trauma therapy even if I can’t remember what happened?

Yes! EMDR therapy can still provide emotional relief, even if the memory is foggy. The EMDR therapist will ask you to identify what feels the most clear about what happened. This could include images like a small detail in the room where you suspect the trauma occurred, a particular smell you have an irrational emotional reaction to, or a distinct sensation in the body. Your therapist will help you get as clear as possible on that stimulus, even if it’s still pretty hazy, which will serve as the jumping-off point for reprocessing your childhood adversity. 

I have a hard time trusting people. What are the red flags of a bad therapist?

Having a therapist you can grow to trust is essential when doing vulnerable work, such as trauma therapy. Red flags for therapists include:

• Poor boundaries, especially regarding privacy and confidentiality
• Too much self-disclosure, especially if it takes up a lot of session time and is not relevant to you
• Feeling judged or a lack of empathy from the therapist
• The therapist seems preoccupied or mentally checked out. 
• The therapist is frequently very late or regularly cancels sessions with little warning.

You deserve a therapist you can trust and feel emotionally safe with. If something feels off, unsafe, or uncomfortable, trust your instincts and look for someone new. Finding someone new and sharing your story all over again might be a hassle in the short term, but is worth the emotional investment in the long run.  

Can therapy uncover lost or repressed memories?

Recovering lost memories isn’t always possible, but it can occur as a side effect of EMDR therapy. This experience may be disconcerting when it happens, so having a therapist you trust to help you through emotional overwhelm and dark places is vital.

How can I set myself up for success with trauma therapy?

A solid self-care routine that includes healthy eating patterns, regular exercise, and meditation or journaling practices can go a long way in attending to your well-being and personal growth between sessions, making you more emotionally available to do the work when you see your therapist. Having a strong support system, which includes spending time with positive people in your life and cutting down on exposure to people who bring you down, is also essential to getting the most out of therapy.

How do I find a trauma therapist?

Finding a therapist is more simple than you might think! Mental Health Match offers a convenient and stress-free matching tool to locate therapists in your local area tailored to your specific needs. 

Once you receive your therapist matches, it’s time to set up consultations. Most therapists offer complimentary 15-20 minute phone consultations. You can use this time to share a little about what you’re looking for help with and sense whether or not your personalities might be good fits for one another. 

Conclusion

If you find yourself straining to recall childhood memories, you are not alone in this experience. Childhood amnesia is a common phenomenon where early memories fade over time. However, it’s important to distinguish between typical memory loss and the impact of childhood trauma. Traumatic experiences can disrupt memory encoding, storage, and retrieval, leading to fragmented or repressed memory that can profoundly impact your well-being. 

Fortunately, there is hope. EMDR therapy, with its focus on reprocessing traumatic memories, has shown great promise in helping individuals recover from the effects of childhood trauma. Results may include gaining clarity, fresh insight, or a new perspective on the trauma experienced and, in the process, decreasing negative feelings you have about what happened. 

If you are struggling with memory loss related to childhood trauma, consider contacting a qualified therapist trained in EMDR therapy. They can provide a safe, supportive space to explore your memories, process associated emotions, and create new, positive, internalized self-beliefs to help you move toward a brighter future. Remember, your feelings and experiences—even if you can’t remember them completely—are valid. Seeking professional support is an empowering step on your recovery journey. 

SOURCES

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Barch DM, Harms MP, Tillman R, Hawkey E, Luby JL. Early childhood depression, emotion regulation, episodic memory, and hippocampal development. J Abnorm Psychol. 2019 Jan;128(1):81-95. doi: 10.1037/abn0000392. PMID: 30628810; PMCID: PMC6338439.

Park, S., Oh, A., Ko, G., Kim, E., Kim, H., Kim, J., Kim, B., & Kim, H. (2014). Influence of mild traumatic brain injury during pediatric stage on short-term memory and hippocampal apoptosis in adult rats. Journal of Exercise Rehabilitation, 10(3), 148-154. https://doi.org/10.12965/jer.140109

Lautieri, A. (2023). https://lagunatreatment.com/co-occurring-disorder/prolonged-abuse/. Taken on 6/27/2023.

Hakamata Y, Mizukami S, Izawa S, Moriguchi Y, Hori H, Matsumoto N, Hanakawa T, Inoue Y, Tagaya H. Childhood trauma affects autobiographical memory deficits through basal cortisol and prefrontal-extrastriate functional connectivity. Psychoneuroendocrinology. 2021 May;127:105172. doi: 10.1016/j.psyneuen.2021.105172. Epub 2021 Feb 10. PMID: 33831650.