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How do we respond when we hear others talking about a bad day they’re having, a struggle they’re going through, or something they can’t seem to get right? How often do we try to jump in and just fix everything, or try to get them to problem solve their way through it? In the world today, we often have a “fix it” mentality, where everything needs a solution now. Yet, how often do we actually tell others things because we want them to fix it now? Yes, there might be some cases where we truly want help, or are telling others in hopes of them offering help. However, a lot of times, we just want to know that someone is there for us, that we can talk about our problems, concerns, and struggles with someone, and feel as though that person cares. We want to feel like we are not alone, that someone hears and understands us. We want to feel emotionally connected and supported.
So how do we provide this for others? We slow down, stop trying to jump in and fix everything, and just listen to understand rather than listening to respond. (Yes, there’s a difference.) Today’s world is so fast paced, everyone is always rushing from one place to another, and we are expected to be doing something “productive”. We often find ourselves planning what to say or how to fix things while listening to others. This means we are missing essential pieces of what that person is saying and meaning. However, if we slow down and truly listen, we are able to better understand that person. Things to consider when we are asked to listen: are we focusing on the person speaking, what are the important details of this story from that person’s perspective, what might that person be thinking and feeling during that experience, and if asked, can we summarize all of that back to them correctly?
Sound like a lot? It can be at first, especially if we are used to listening to respond and fix it. However, the more we practice listening to understand, the better we will become at it and the easier it will be. We will also see a great improvement in our relationships, as others in our lives will feel heard, validated, understood, and feel as though they are important to us. Sometimes the most important thing we can give others is our time. Time to sit with them, time to listen to them, and time to support and encourage them.
