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According to NAMI, 64% of people that have struggled with mental illness report the holidays as having a negative impact on their symptoms. Some of the biggest stressors reported include: finances, loneliness, unrealistic expectations and comparisons to the past. Navigating holiday stress can be hard but creating an action plan to get through it all can be very helpful.
The very first step is to identify basic values and beliefs about the holiday season. Some questions that can help with this are:
- What holidays do I celebrate?
- Why did I start to celebrate this holiday?
- Why have I continued to celebrate this holiday?
- Is this a holiday I’d like to continue to celebrate? and why?
Identifying values and beliefs about the holidays can help with re-establishing your purpose for engaging in or wanting to engage in holiday festivities. Having a clear understanding of this purpose and having frequent reminders of it will assist in refocusing mental energy that might get derailed during the build up of the holiday.
The second step is to identify and reflect on common obstacles that have gotten in the way of enjoying the holiday. Step three then includes the intentional integration of coping skills to minimize or eliminate some of those obstacles. Below we review some short term coping skills that can aid in minimizing stressors.
Setting boundaries with others and/ or ourselves can be a powerful coping skill. Setting a boundary is about identifying ways we have felt violated, hurt, or over extended in the past and creating a clear limit to stop unhelpful negative experiences. Nedra Glover Tawwab, author of “Set Boundaries, Find Peace,” explained that setting boundaries with ourselves and others should include: being straight forward about what our limits are, being direct about our needs, and allowing any discomfort that results from boundary setting to come and go without compromising on your limits. Boundaries during the holidays can sound like:
- Asking family/ friends to stay at a hotel
- Setting a personal spending limit
- Changing the topic of conversations that you aren’t ready to have
- Staying at a hotel
- Carving out alone time
Periodically re-examining expectations can be another powerful coping skill. Unrealistic expectations do not only encompass goals that are impossible to meet but it also includes goals that are possible but are in exchange of something much more valuable. For example: decorating the inside and outside of the house for the holidays is possible but expectations may be unrealistic depending on how much money, time, and energy might need to be exchanged in order to meet the goal envisioned. Some questions that can help with re-examination of expectations are:
- How do I generally feel while trying to fulfill this expectation?
- Did fulfilling that expectation increase the enjoyment of the holiday?
- What is the the fundamental belief or value (refer to step 1) that I am focusing on while trying to meet this expectation? And are there simpler ways to achieve it?
- Can I afford to spend my resources (time, money, energy, etc.) to fulfill this expectation?
Lastly, connecting with others is a great coping skill. Connecting with others can come in a variety of ways whether that’s reconnecting with friends and family or establishing new community connections. The following includes a variety of ways to increase connection:
- Say “yes.” Sometimes we can get too in our own head and turn down opportunities for connection due to fear
- Reach out to people you haven’t spoken to in a while
- Attend community events; they are in abundance during the holidays
- Volunteer. Serving someone else when were aren’t feeling very good can be gratifying.
