Finding a therapist for yourself is hard enough. Finding one that two people agree on, who has openings that work for two schedules, and who is actually trained in couples work, is a different kind of project.
It can also be worth it to find the right person. A couples therapist is not simply an individual therapist who sees two people at once. The training is different, and so is the skill of creating an environment where both partners feel heard. We put this guide together to help you find someone who can do that.
What Is Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy is talk therapy where the relationship itself is the focus. Instead of one person working on their own patterns, both partners work on what happens between them, including how conflict starts, how it escalates, and what each of you does when things get tense.
People come for all sorts of reasons. Recurring arguments, betrayal, differences over money or parenting, a stretch of feeling more like roommates than partners, or simply wanting to get better at something, like communication, before it gets worse. You do not need to be in crisis to go.
What Kind of Therapist Does Couples Therapy?
Therapists have different types of licenses, which indicate the type of education they’ve received, though many therapists pursue additional training to be able to provide couples therapy. You should ask a prospective therapist about their training and experience before you make any assumptions.
- LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist). Views individual struggles through the lens of relationships and family systems, looking at how patterns within a couple contribute to what each person is experiencing. What this means for you as a client: they are required to have explicit training as part of their license in relationships and family therapy.
- LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker). Psychotherapy training grounded in a person-in-environment perspective, considering how relationships, community, and life circumstances shape mental health. What this means for you as a client: they will be attentive to outside pressures such as work, money, caregiving, family, or other stressors.
- LPC or LPCC (Licensed Professional Counselor). Master’s-level counseling with a practical, skills-based approach to managing symptoms and life challenges. What this means for you as a client: expect concrete tools, such as communication exercises you practice between sessions.
- PhD or PsyD (Psychologist). Doctoral-level training that includes psychotherapy and psychological assessment, shaped by research and often with deeper specialization. What this means for you as a client: if you’re looking for a more formal assessment, they are often able to provide this.
License titles vary by state. Some states label the credentials differently, so check your state board rather than assuming the abbreviation means the same thing everywhere.
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What Types of Couples Therapy Are There?
Most couples therapists work from one or two established models. Knowing a bit about them can help you decide which might be the better fit.
- Emotionally focused therapy (EFT). Developed from attachment theory, EFT helps unearth and repair the emotional cycle underneath arguments, and has been studied in randomized trials.
- The Gottman Method. Draws on decades of observational research about what distinguishes couples who stay connected. Structured, with assessments early on.
- Integrative behavioral couple therapy. Combines building acceptance of differences that may not change with practical work on behavior that can.
- Discernment counseling. Short-term work for couples where one partner is unsure about staying. The goal is clarity about direction, not repair.
Where Can We Look for a Couples Therapist?
Here are a few places that are worth trying. We recommend you start with more than just one
Your insurance company’s provider directory
This is a great place to start to find someone in network with your insurance. Marketplace plans cover mental health care as an essential health benefit. Private plans often follow Medicare Part B coverage rules, which cover family counseling when the main purpose is to help with your treatment. Coverage for relationship counseling on its own is less common, so ask how this will be billed before your first session..
Mental Health Match
We built our free matching tool for this kind of search. You answer questions about what you are looking for, including whether you want couples work, and we show you therapists who fit. Profiles describe how each person actually works, which helps when two people need to agree on someone. The matching tool is free and confidential.
A referral from your doctor
Primary care providers often keep a short list of local therapists they trust. This tends to produce fewer names than a directory, but they are usually vetted.
Your employer
Many employers offer an employee assistance program that includes a set number of free counseling sessions, and some cover couples sessions. These are usually short-term, though they can be a good way to start while you look for something ongoing.
What Should We Ask a Potential Couples Therapist?
Most therapists offer a brief consultation call. Use it. NIMH suggests asking about credentials, approach, goals, and how progress will be measured. There are a few additional questions you should ask that are specific to couples work.
- What percentage of your practice is couples? Some therapists see couples occasionally; others build a practice around it.
- What model do you work from, and what does a typical course look like?
- Do you ever meet with us individually, and how do you handle what gets said in those sessions?
- How do you keep sessions balanced when one of us talks more than the other?
- What are your fees, do you take our insurance, and do you offer a sliding scale?
Does It Matter If the Therapist Shares Our Background?
It might, and it is a fair thing to want. Many people prefer a therapist who shares aspects of their culture, faith, or identity, and tend to feel more positively toward those therapists. The same research found that shared identity by itself did not produce meaningfully different results from therapy.
For couples, there is an added layer. If the two of you come from different backgrounds, you may want someone who can hold both without defaulting to one. That is a reasonable question to raise on a consultation call.
What If Only One of Us Wants to Go?
This is common and also doesn’t mean there’s no way to make progress. Individual therapy can still shift a relationship, since changing your own side of a pattern changes the pattern. Discernment counseling is designed for exactly this situation when one partner is ambivalent about the relationship itself.
| Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always talk to a qualified healthcare professional about any medical concerns. If you are in crisis, please call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988. |
