Sex therapy is a type of talk therapy that helps people work through concerns about sex, intimacy, and sexual health. You can go on your own or with a partner.
Sex can be a hard subject to bring up, even with a professional. We put this guide together to explain how sex therapy works and how to find a therapist you feel comfortable with.
What Is Sex Therapy?
Sex therapy is a subspecialty of psychotherapy that focuses on sexual concerns. It can help people of all ages, whether they are partnered or single.
A sex therapist is usually a licensed mental health professional, such as a counselor, social worker, marriage and family therapist, or psychologist, with added training in sexual health. Sessions happen in an office or online, and they involve talking, learning, and practical exercises you try at home. Sexual concerns are also more common than many people think.
How Common Are Sexual Concerns?
Among women, sexual concerns are relatively common, yet many women don’t bring them up with a health care provider unless they are asked.
These concerns often have more than one cause. Physical health, medications, stress, and relationship dynamics can all play a role. For example, depression, anxiety, and relationship conflict can contribute to erectile concerns. Therapy can help address many of these issues.
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What Can Sex Therapy Help With?
Sex therapists work with a wide range of concerns. Common reasons people reach out include the following.
- Differences in desire. You or your partner want sex more or less often than the other, or your interest has changed.
- Arousal and erection concerns. You have trouble becoming aroused or getting or keeping an erection.
- Orgasm concerns. Orgasm feels difficult, delayed, or happens sooner than you want.
- Pain during sex. Sex hurts, or worrying about pain makes intimacy difficult.
- Changes after life events. Childbirth, menopause, illness, surgery, or medications have affected your sex life.
- Sexual trauma. Past experiences make intimacy feel unsafe or overwhelming.
- Questions about identity. You want support exploring your sexual orientation, gender identity, or what you want from intimacy.
What Happens in Sex Therapy?
Sex therapy works much the same way as other types of therapy. Early sessions focus on a detailed history of your concerns, including physical and emotional factors, and then you and your therapist build a treatment plan together depending on your goals
Learning About Sexual Health
It’s possible you might feel better once you get accurate information about sexual responses and how bodies function. Your therapist may suggest reading, videos, or workshops.
Using Talk Therapy Approaches
Therapists often use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which helps you notice unhelpful thoughts about sex and practice more balanced ones. They may also use mindfulness-based therapy, which helps you stay present with physical sensations and pay less attention to worries.
Practicing Exercises at Home
Your therapist may suggest exercises to try privately at home, from communication practice to physical exercises. . One example is sensate focus, a series of structured touch exercises that take the pressure off performance. It remains a widely used sex therapy technique.
Does Sex Therapy Work?
Clinical guidelines support talk-based care for many sexual concerns. For women’s sexual concerns, guidelines recommend psychological approaches such as sexual skills training, CBT, mindfulness-based therapy, and couples therapy.
For erectile dysfunction, urology guidelines suggest considering a mental health referral to ease performance anxiety and find other ways of experiencing pleasure or connection. Results vary from person to person, and research on specific approaches is still growing.
When Should I See a Sex Therapist?
You don’t need a diagnosis to talk with a sex therapist. It may help to reach out if you notice any of these signs.
- A sexual concern is causing you distress or straining your relationship.
- You avoid sex or intimacy because of worry, pain, or shame.
- Medical treatment has helped physically, but anxiety or tension remains.
- Past experiences make sex feel unsafe.
It is also a good idea to see a medical provider because sexual concerns can have physical causes. For example, erectile dysfunction can be an early sign of heart disease or other health conditions, and it’s important to seek medical help if you are experiencing pain during sex.
Put Safety First
Sex should never be pressured or forced. If a partner is hurting, threatening, or controlling you there are resources to help.
You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 by calling 1-800-799-7233 or texting START to 88788. If you have experienced sexual violence, the National Sexual Assault Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-656-4673, or you can text HOPE to 64673. If you are having thoughts of suicide or self-harm, you can call or text 988 at any time.
How Do I Find a Sex Therapist?
In most states, sex therapy is not separately licensed, so it helps to check a therapist’s training. Look for a licensed professional with specialized training in sexual health, such as AASECT certification.
It is okay to ask about a therapist’s sex therapy training before you schedule a session with them. Our list of questions to ask a new therapist can help you prepare.
We created Mental Health Match to make this step easier, and it is free to use. You answer a few questions about your needs, preferences, and budget, and we introduce you to five therapists best suited to help. You can look for support on your own or with a partner, and most therapists offer a free consultation.
| Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always talk to a qualified healthcare professional about any medical concerns. If you are in crisis, please call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988. |
